The Working Mom Guilt

You know the guilt. It can sting at times. I might use humor to cover up the sting, but it's still there. I humorously refer to our beloved in-home babysitter as the "daytime mom," while, I'm the "nighttime mom." There are days (most days) where I hand them too her and say, "Have fun! Last night, the wild one climbed on top of the kitchen island and was chewing on a knife or FYI, they can open doors and they will run away. Have a good day, see you this afternoon!" Yes, there are days when it is much easier to hand them over to someone else so they can deal with all the messy bits and the hard parts, but that doesn't mean that there isn't a tinge of guilt accompanying those days.

Honestly, I blame the most logical person, Rosie the Riveter. Why Not? She told us we all needed to get a job and go to work. While her, "We Can Do It," message might not have been truly genuine, she changed the culture of American families ... (A little semi-history lesson: factories needed workers during WWII, so our friend Rosie became the iconic recruitment symbol to entice women to enter the workforce.) And they never looked back. WHY Rosie?! June Cleaver was an excellent role model ... wasn't she?

I've had seasons in motherhood when I played June and seasons when I played Rosie. They both have their trade-offs, and the grass isn't always greener.  I have been a stay-at-mom, and to be honest, most days I was bored out of my mind. I could clean our house in a day. I didn't have a baby that liked to cuddle or play with me. I had a little girl that would sit in the floor for hours playing with blocks or coloring. She didn't make a huge mess and she didn't require much attention. When I did start working again, this same little girl waved by and ran off to play with her new playmates. She was also the same little girl that ran away form me when I came to pick her up, she wasn't done playing and socializing. I am fully aware that would not be the same story if I stayed home today! I'd never sit down and would constantly be cleaning up a massive mess ... maybe with a smile on my face ... maybe not!

Although, I often yearn to stay home, I know that I'm not called to stay home. I'm called to deal with the messy bits with someone else's kids. And that's ok. I wanted a profession that truly made a difference in other people's lives. If this year has taught me anything, it's that some kids, not all kids, but some go to school to find a good momma, and I need to be the momma that I yearn to be at home, at school. Despite that revelation, my biggest fear is that I'm giving my kids my left-overs. I still want to have enough of the good parts of me to give to them. I don't want them to remember a tired, haggard momma. A good friend recently told me that God gave my kids the exact momma they needed ... even if that is a tired, haggard, working momma it's the one they need. 

Monday through Friday I might be haggard, but I'm a rockstar on Saturday and Sunday! I know the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I've got to let the guilt go! It's ok to go to work!